George Carlin once said…

gcarlinI blatantly ripped this quote from a Buddhist monks’ Facebook page and copied it here….’cause I love it.

“The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We’ve learned how to make a living, but not a life. We’ve added years to life not life to years. We’ve been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We’ve done larger things, but not better things.

We’ve cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We’ve conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We’ve learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete.

Remember to spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn’t cost a cent.

Remember, to say, ‘I love you’ to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

And always remember, life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by those moments that take our breath away.”

George Carlin

Insanity

Insanity Last night and again this morning, I heard stories from people who had stopped going to AA meetings and reported feeling considerably worse off very quickly. It is not the first time that this pattern has been reported and it certainly won’t be the last. Why, then, do very intelligent people who have come to realise their alcoholic affliction continue to turn their backs on the remedy that has served them well hitherto?  Will it happen to me? Can it be avoided? There are some who, having arrived at AA as a result of a devastating career in drinking, have never had another alcoholic beverage – and there are those who continue to struggle with staying stopped for the term of their ‘natural’ lives. They, who seemingly have found some sort of peace and then jeopardise the gains made are the puzzling and disturbing ones for me. It could be me! Yet, at the beginning of the meeting (preamble) it is stated that ‘Our primary purpose is to stay sober and to help other alcoholics achieve sobriety’. At the end of most meetings we declare ‘Keep coming back’ after reciting in unison the ‘Serenity Prayer’. Is this glib lip service? Are we trying to inculcate new-comers with ritualistic hyperbole? My guess is ‘No, but’ – and these two words said together rival only ‘yes, but’ as the most ‘denial-istic’ words in an alcoholics vocabulary. ‘We must be honest in ALL our affairs’, we rabbit yet go out and commit alcoholic hara-kiri by not coming back and trying to forget these principles in all our affairs! If we came to believe in Step Two that a Higher Power could restore us to sanity, surely it is reasonable to believe that he could keep us there! Mais, NON! Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps we think it’s preferable to renew previous patterns of self-deceit. We may think the ‘unmanageable life’ can now be managed by the same idiot that got us banging on the doors of hell! Well, it’s easy to be spiritually superior. It’s tempting to be bold before the event that may happen happens. It is very arrogant to postulate that it will never happen to me. So how can I and those that come afterwards safeguard against falling into that most malignant malady - complacency? For the time being, I’ll continue to attend regular meetings of AA, pray and meditate, work the steps prescribed in chapter five of the Big Book, and be part of service work and sponsorship of struggling alcoholics.

Happy, Joyous and Free

Today I started with Breakfast with the Stars (AA). Our topic, taken from the reflection in Daily Reflections was ‘Happy, Joyous and Free’, which is an often trite motto of Alcoholics Anonymous. The meeting provided excellent fodder for contemplation and meditation.

Generally, we heard from members who are so happy that their addiction is in recovery mode, and that the feeling of joyfulness is in the nature of gratitude. Freedom is more commonly felt because despite all that happens in an alcoholics day, it is always better than the need for a drink. The act of drinking becomes such a horrible thought that when some event happens contrary to the alcoholics want, it can often be heard “At least I don’t drink”. The dozen or so attendees this morning seem to be more or less of that opinion. ‘Things often don’t go as expected, but no matter what, we just don’t drink!’

Finally, I had a chance to share. The chairman commented that I have only three minutes to speak and that was OK. The thoughts that had been processing in my mind as others shared were easily verbalized, I figured.

When I share these days, I find I try to stay close to the point. This wish has arisen after some 1500 plus meetings, at almost a meeting a day pace, because of my irritating pedanticism and ego. I find I judge others very quickly and this reflects negatively my self-loathing and my constant self-criticism. Before I now what I know now about AA and the 12 steps of recovery, I knew everything. Before I became holier than thou, I was News of the World on legs. Nowadays, I feel that my sharing is to the point and a genuine reflection of my experience rather than a showy sililoque regarding my blessed interpretation of the scriptures. “It was pride that changed angels into devils; it is humility that makes men as angels”.(Saint Augustine) It is hard to be humble when you’re trying to be perfect in every way.

Anyway, I can’t remember much of what others spoke about today. I was busy.

What I wanted to say was that I am desperately sad that my beloved girlfriend dumped me last week and that the whole group can start feeling sorry for my extreme loss any time they want. Maybe they could pray to their god for her to come back and repent for hurting me, and possibly one of the pretty girls should say that I’m a real catch for any woman and would I consider sleeping over their place tonight. It would be great if all their pain and suffering paled into insignificance in light of my new found singleness. Their cancers, suicide attempts, and children s deaths really don’t measure up to the consequences of my girl deciding that she would rather be alone for a while. That’s what I wanted to say.

What I did say was something like this.

My name is Mike, and I’m an alcoholic. I’m happy that you have given up an hour and a half of your time to keep me sober. I’m joyful that you are all here sober and clean and I’m free from the obsession to drink. I said that the true freedom I have now and that we all share is the freedom to have a relationship with our spirit. And, I said that the number one obstacle to me being free was my drinking. That’s what I said!!

What is the truth?

Well, I have given up searching for and defining the truth. My perspective of ‘things’, my judgement of ‘people’ and my observation of ‘places’ is completely subjective and unreliable. Therefore what would I know about truth? What would I know about reality. Was Greg Inglis try last night a try or not?…that’s what everyone in Queensland and New South Wales is talking about at their respective water coolers this morning. I say ‘Look at the SCORE BOARD, losers!’ in jubilation because I’ve bet $50 that Queensland can win by 7 points or more and this try tips me into winning ground. Now I’m happy, joyous and free, but I don’t know if it’s a try or not. Spookily, though, I do have a hint of empathy for the room full of Blues supporters where I am as I know the bitter disappointment they must be feeling.

What is enlightening is that all the pain of loss and the suffering that is losing, is suddenly one man’s fault. How can he do THAT to ME?, they scream. I have been in that blaming position so many times before. It is unbelievable that this guy whom I’ve never met and has absolutely no reason to harm me, can hurt me so much, and so suddenly…so deeply. And the pain is not like a needle prick, or a twisted ankle. This pain will last and be revisited and relived. It will be shared with others and will never be forgotten.

Just as one man’s pain is another man’s ecstasy (and profit), so are there at least two sides of every event and therefore no reality. Not really. There is a Buddhist tale about four blind men asked to describe an elephant from their sensory perception. Using their hands, one man describes an elephant as large and round and strong, the next says it is long and rubbery, the next man – skinny with and furry tip, and the fourth, fat and big as a hut. Each of them have been feeling with their hands a different part or aspect of the elephant and given their limited sensory input, they have far different mental images of what they ‘saw’. The point is that our sensory perception is faulty. The computer industry uses the jargon ‘garbage in, garbage out’.

How am I to know that the information into my brain is correct when the only thing I can perceive it with is the one mind that I have? I can’t borrow yours for a minute and see what you see.

I am happy, joyous and free. As I understand happy, I am grateful for all the conditions that I now enjoy most of the time. It gives me great joy to see others cast off their previous nasty habits and thought processes and learn to love again. And I’m free to hand over the results of my actions to a higher power…free to enjoy activity without being trapped in results. I am free to practice the faith of my choosing and I’m free of the belief that booze or drugs or woman or things or praise can make me feel happy.

Seed of Gratitude

Minimize attention on what you have lost or missed out on in life. Maximize gratitude instead. Gratitude is an intentional focus on the many blessings you do have in life. The more you focus on gratitude, the more you discover things to be grateful for. Gratitude has incredible power to purge self-pity and victim attitudes from your mind.

Say to yourself: My life is so full of blessings. I find power in gratitude.

thanks to
http://www.soulseeds.com/seeds/

Powerless and Unmanageable

The collaborators who wrote the book Alcoholics Anonymous with Bill Wilson agree that there tome is bound to be controversial in matters medical, psychiatric, social and religious.  They propose that they share a common solution:  ”…a way out on which we can absolutely agree and upon which we can join in brotherly and harmonious action.” (17.3)

They describe the alcoholic dilemma as difficult to prescribe as there are so many with varied stories and symptoms.  The best and most accurate description of alcoholism is of an illness – the drinker at some stage begins to lose all control of his liquor consumption once he starts to drink.  Furthermore, he is without defense against the first drink.  If this be the case then powerless and unmanageable are the right and precise descriptions of the life of an alcoholic.  Those who have completely run out of denial then face the first step of recovery in admitting that they are powerless over alcohol and that they’re lives had become unmanageable.

I am an alcoholic.  Drinking for me was normal.  I drank all day if I could.  Unmanageable to me in the last few years of my drinking equated to insufficient funds – and I had no way of earning money other than playing pool.  Most drinking pool players well know about that golden window of opportunity between getting rid of the jitters and reaching the ‘unfocussed wobbly stage’.  Trying to manage to stay in the zone is not that easy, sister.

The family of birth looked down upon me with hopeless despair.  The love of my children never faltered but how they’re sadness must have been!  Job prospects were nil and social life was hard work really – trying to pay back loans so more could be handled and trying to remember yesterdays bullshit.  Gossip and back-stabbing punctuated the political reviews and violent catastrophes we were called upon to arbitrate on.  I write and speak about that time with jocular scorn now but it was a hard life for someone who had dreams of an easier life as the CEO of a substantial real estate and financial corporation.

Even though I easily admit powerlessness over alcohol now, how I struggled with it initially.  I guess it’s ego gone wrong.  How can someone so underachieving in basic human skills have so much arrogance and self-will?  This idea plagues me as I try to help others to achieve surrender – and through surrender, the beginning of a life worth living.

Cherishing Others

Geshe Kelsang Gyatso, in his book, Modern Buddhism, proclaims that all our problems are caused by self-grasping and self-cherishing. He guarantees that following the bodhisattva’s path of wisdom and compassion, that we will solve all our human problems.

The first step for the alcoholic is to accept his powerlessness over alcohol.

How do these two peices of information meld? What can one deduce from Geshe’s guarantee. and the first step of recovery?

In my case, my drinking life was all about me and really, life before Dharma was all about me. I don’t berate myself over that too much now. I was operating with the equipment and instructions that I had. I could have done better and I could have done worse. I can still do worse yet.

The good news that Geshe-la has given me is that this precious human life that I still have is my best chance at full enlightenment. Far from being the hopeless alcoholic that I was or the boring tee-totaller that I thought I was destined to be, I’m living in the ‘now’ the best I can and enjoying the path to enlightenment with surety and peace.

Anger and Attachment 1

I’ve immediately entitled this entry Anger and Attachment 1 because it is most likely that this will be not a one-off.  Anger, attachment and ignorance are my root delusions and this week, I’ve been more focussed on being vigilant.

On Sunday (trying to be in the moment, but NOT), I set up a week long plan of attack.  It went like this:

  • Cleaning the environment
  • Cleansing the past
  • Living in the Present
  • Intentions of compassion and peace
  • Habits of Now
  • Loving what your doing
  • How to love

What has happened so far, is quite extraordinary.  Monday I was focussed on physical cleaning to provide a pleasant and uncluttered environment.  I avoided the perfectionism that I am prone to and got some things done but certainly not all.  The laziness that I’m also prone to won over!

Tuesday, I continued with the cleaning and also began Vajrasattva mantra’s to purify negative karma.  Feeling light, I experienced a comfort and peace that comes with believing that I am ‘On the path’.

Well, the next day was amazing.  I had several appointments including a doctor, a psychologist and my AA sponsor.  Living in the present has never been more real.  Progressively through the day, I felt emotions that I rarely felt before.  Speaking to Sarah, my psych’, I had a welling up of tears and sadness surrounding my feelings from a recent relationship break-up tied to unresolved abandonment issues.  I decided on the best course of action in consultation with Rod, my sponsor and anger arose about ‘Her’ that I didn’t know I had.  The rest of the night I was almost inconsolable. Only twice before in my five years of sobriety have I wanted to drink as badly.  Thank God for my program and friends.  And now that I’m through that pain, I can see that the Buddha’s were there helping me break through the un-attended hidden emotions and helped me deal with the anger without hurting others too much.

Thursday…incredible peace and acceptance was with me all day and I had the privilege to teach Dharma in the evening.  I had a beautiful Heart Jewel puja meditating on ‘lower rebirth’ my own before going to bed in bliss.

This week has been a wondrous expose of things that ‘I believed to be true’.  Isn’t it a wonderful day whenever these two things happen? 1. reinforcement of previously held beliefs and 2. acceptance of self and now.

I pray that I continue to learn and accept and that others that are like me can relate to my experience.

Ethics and Morality (hic)

Reading books is very dangerous for me.  With low self-esteem and an inflated ego, I can have the tendency to be a little too clever by half.  So I read with great interest the arguments of morality and ethics that concerned the philosophers Kant and Schopenhauer.  I enjoyed the tome ‘The Freedom Paradox: Towards a Post-Secular Ethics” by Clive Hamilton; and meanwhile I began to study Mahayana Buddhism at the local Buddhist Centre.

This all may sound quite high-brow and sophisticated however, what you don’t know yet is that I’m an alcoholic and had just begun the road of recovery.

Reading books is VERY dangerous for me.

So if you are finding alcoholism recovery challenging, or if you’re interested in Buddhism, maybe we can be friends for a while.  The internet provides a wonderland of potential experiences for the brave of heart and the wealthy in time.  It would be wonderful to be so bold as to write something really controversial in this first post.  You know, really stir the pot and see what arises! Nah, I won’t do that today because I really need you to like me and also to validate my being.  I only have today, so I won’t blow it.

Write me, twitter, FB me, comment…or just watch this space and see if something happens.  I’m glad we got this far together.

Mike